So far, we’ve watched a couple short videos in each PRIDE training session and also have short descriptions read of different types of abuse situations that children have possibly had to endure before they entered the foster care system. In all but the first training session, we’ve taken time to discuss them as a group. I’ve struggled with these in a couple different ways. They tend to both stir up memories of abuse that I endured as a child and, as I get to listen to the others who share their thoughts on them, I struggle with feeling so different from the rest of the group.
There’s only one other woman in the group that’s made it known that she came from an abusive background as well; she was adopted out of the system herself. So many of the others have expressed disbelief that people could actually treat children in some of the ways that are acted out in the video scenes and most of the time I’m sitting there feeling what I had thought was numb and not normal because it seemed so opposite the response of what almost everybody else seemed to be having. It bugs me. I’ve been thinking about it and I guess it’s not really numbness as it is having lived through it first-hand versus someone who grew up in a loving, nurturing home life that probably definitely wanted the kids that lived there. I guess things aren’t as shocking to me on a TV screen after having lived it in 3-D every day for the first 28 years of my life.
The training sessions are required to help us in learning more about how to work with and handle children who have been traumatized by abuse but they also seem to be having the extra benefit of understanding different ways that I used to be in my own reactions and behaviors as I was growing up and even a little as an adult. It’s really the first time for me in a number of areas that I’m finally understanding some of the reasons why I turned out the way that I did and why I had so many obstacles to overcome in the last several years. Both sessions three and four are on meeting developmental needs; last Monday’s was on attachments and tomorrow night’s (Thursday’s) is going to be in how losses affect that.
I learned something new while meeting with my worker at the HUD office earlier this week. She also has gone through the process for foster care and adoption and let me know that actually you can go ahead and have a child placed with you even though you’re living in a one-bedroom apartment. The only problem is I have to be willing to sleep in the living room and give the bedroom to the child since one of the requirements is for the child to have their own space and privacy; apparantly, it’s not required for the adult caring for the child to have it though. Hummmmm… it has me wondering. Once I have a child placed with me then I can qualify for a two-bedroom voucher so it wouldn’t be a long term situation so maybe it could actually be tolerable for a little while; it’s going to take a lot of thinking on how I’m going to be able to rearrange so much stuff though. I really wish this apartment came with some storage space 
One short, final note: I had my physical yesterday and that went really well. The only special note he made on it was for children two years of age and older ONLY. But I already was expecting that. Outside of going back Friday to have the TB Tine test checked, and possibly a chest x-ray since I’ve been known to come back with “false positives” on that, my physical is complete. That’s one more part of the homestudy process that I can check off the list!
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