Calming the Seas

Matthew 14:24-33 “But the ship was now in the midst of the sea, tossed with waves: for the wind was contrary. And in the fourth watch of the night Jesus went unto them, walking on the sea. And when the disciples saw him walking on the sea, they were troubled, saying, It is a spirit; and they cried out for fear. But straightway Jesus spake unto them, saying, Be of good cheer; it is I; be not afraid. And Peter answered him and said, Lord, if it be thou, bid me come unto thee on the water. And he said, Come. And when Peter was come down out of the ship, he walked on the water, to go to Jesus. But when he saw the wind boisterous, he was afraid; and beginning to sink, he cried, saying, Lord, save me. And immediately Jesus stretched forth his hand, and caught him, and said unto him, O thou of little faith, wherefore didst thou doubt? And when they were come into the ship, the wind ceased. Then they that were in the ship came and worshipped him, saying, Of a truth thou art the Son of God.”

I don’t know if that passage truly fits this situation, and hope I’m not stretching it any, but it’s what keeps coming to mind on all of this right now. I’ve gathered a little bit of controversy on the issue of my adopting as a single person and I keep telling myself that it’s to be expected; though, where I feared expecting it in the Christian realm of things I didn’t expect it so much in the secular realm.

So far, most of the people I’ve encountered have been for it and think it’s wonderful. Both my rheumatologist and family doctor have given their ok on it. People at both my church in Ripley and my church in Prosperity are backing me. Even a few at the Bible college are excited and eager to know how this is progressing for me. The numbers of visits to my adoption blog (nearly 600 in just barely two months time - and it doesn’t count my own visits) tells me there are a lot of people keeping up with what’s going on with this; how many of them agree or disagree is completely undetermined. I have four out of the five of my required references attained and will hopefully acquire the final one this Saturday; one is my pastor here in Prosperity, two others from the same church (one of whom also is connected through the Bible college), a second also from the Bible college, and the final one from my church in Ripley. My mom was going to also be a reference but I learned tonight that you can’t use family.

My mom has already touched on the subject of adoption with my two nephews that I helped raise for seven and nine years to try and help prepare them for the hopeful possibility of my adding a new member to our family. With their autism, even though they are now 15 and 13, it’s still best to gradually prepare them for changes that may be happening. My landlord has let me know that it shouldn’t be a problem in helping to find me a two-bedroom house and is fine with me caring for children from the state; not all landlords ok foster-parenting in their rental properties. He has even assured me that my security deposit will transfer to the new property which will cut down a great deal on actual moving expenses for me and allow me to put the money that I’ve been saving towards a bunkbed and dresser instead, making it easier to better prepare for whatever child is brought my way. I also am receiving tremendous support on a very regular basis from AdoptUSKids when originally I had been a little afraid that I would be making my way through this journey feeling pretty alone.

So very much seems to be falling right into place, as if it’s meant to be. I think I can honestly say that I’m even feeling peace from God on this. But then someone stirs up the waters and my boat gets rocked a little…

… like at the end of my last doctor appointment when I was scheduling a date for my physical for next month. The family doctor had specifically written on the paper that the physical was going to be done because of foster-parenting requirements and the receptionist suddenly went off on the issue. She questioned me on how many people lived in my home, emphasizing off of my answer about there not being a husband and how single people shouldn’t be allowed to foster-parent. She asked me how much I’d get paid for each child, what did I do for a living, exactly what was my total monthly income from my disability, if I was disabled how could I care for a child, why was I really wanting to do this for? I felt like she was really crossing some lines and was tempted to ask her what the heck was her problem?! But I didn’t, though it doesn’t mean I didn’t fume over it for a short while as my friend and I ate lunch afterwards.

That hasn’t been the only time but I don’t feel like trying to describe different instances and will let it suffice to say at least it has only been a few times in comparison to the backing and support that I’ve received and am continueing to receive from friends and family.

Probably the absolute biggest area of controversy has been over my singleness and it has really irritated me a few times. I do agree extremely strongly that the ideal situation for a child is within a two parent home. However, because of my mother’s childhood, I feel that sometimes the ideal situation isn’t always possible and, when that’s the case, I feel that a child having at least one person in their life that loves them truly as their own and wants to be a permanenet part of their life is far better than a child having absolutely no one at all. Give me a minute to explain please.

Very few of you, I think, had any idea of my mother’s childhood situation. Her father was killed on the job one month before my mother turned three. My grandmother, who it’s been suspected had learning difficulties and below-level coping skills, was widowed with three children ages four and under and pregnant with the fourth child. At about 3 1/2 years old, my mother, her sister, and two brothers were removed from their mother’s care and placed into the foster care system where my mother and her sister remained until each of them aged out of the system at age 18. At one point a very caring and loving yet single individual inquired about adopting my mother. That person had no criminal past, made enough income to more than support themself and a child, had already formed a loving bond with my mother as a neighbor, and wanted extremely much to love her as their own. The state could not find a single fault with the person outside of two facts: it was a man and he was single. Up until he expressed interest in adopting my mother he had been allowed access to her on numerous occassions and never once gave anyone a reason to question his motives. But, once he expressed interest in adopting her, any chance of him being allowed to show any interest or love towards her was forcably cut off by the state.

Personal opinion here: being male or female does not disqualify a person from parenting, neither does being single or married, and neither does being fully healthy or disabled. What can disqualify a person from parenting is being so disabled that they can no longer physically care for a child themselves and there isn’t a remaining spouse in the home who can.

I have no control over the fact that I was stricken with one form of arthritis at age 14 and an even more severe form of arthritis at age 26. I had no control over the sexual abuse that lasted from ages 4 to 8. While I have been able to work through and overcome the majority of my struggles that resulted from that abuse, the one that I have never been able to really get a hold on has been a fear of men in general and a strong distrust in them. Even though I have lived through it and learned ways to deal with the abuse and the consequences of it, it still takes me a tremendous amount of time to place trust in a man. It is not that I don’t eventually, I do but it has sometimes been known to take anywhere from a year to several years, and I have yet to date a single guy who has held that kind of patience and understanding.

As far as my physical disabilities, yes, they have the disadvantage of putting some limitations on me, hence why both doctors have clearly stated to me that I am to take in no children younger than two years of age. Would I like a baby? Yes! I think there are a lot of advantages to adopting a baby over top of an older child but, do I think I can love an older child just as much as I could a baby? I have absolutely no doubts on that! When you have strongly desired your own child for 15 years at least, waiting, wondering, and praying, I have found it easier to trust God in His wisdom in presenting to me whichever child is His gift to me! As far as a major advantage in being disabled, I get to be a full-time stay-at-home mom; that is something that even some two parent families don’t offer their children. This child certainly won’t have all the wealth that a five or six-figure income might bring in but she will have all that she may ever need and all the love that God has enabled me to ever give her!

Yes, my boat has been rocked a little, but MY GOD has helped me in regaining my balance and direction! Tomorrow night, from 6 to 9pm, is supposed to be our first P.R.I.D.E. training session out of ten. I’m nervous, I’m excited, but most importantly, I’m READY! I’ve hoisted my anchor and I’m setting sail!